Family
For families living in poverty, coping during the holiday season can be the most difficult time of the year
Photo: Getty Images | Design: Genevieve Pizzale
Family
For families living in poverty, coping during the holiday season can be the most difficult time of the year
Talking to kids about poverty during the holiday season is so important—especially because the kid next door might be getting significantly more or less than your own little one
It’s supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year. For most people the holiday season is about spending time with family and loved ones, giving and receiving gifts and sitting down for a big family meal complete with all the fixings. But for many others, the holidays can feel more like a time of heightened stress and shame. “Many low-income people are not connected to family or community,” says Anita Khanna, director of Social Action and Community Building at Family Service Toronto and the national coordinator for Campaign 2000. “If they do have social connections, they may isolate themselves because they can’t afford to give gifts or prepare food to share.” Plus, it can be even more difficult to get enough to eat when there is an increased demand at food banks and shelters during the holiday season. When you add kids to the mix, shame and isolation can take hold. Here’s what you need to know about how to talk to your kids about poverty, especially during the holiday season.
Children living in poverty face a heavy toll this time of year
“Low-income parents often put themselves last in order to shield their kids from poverty, and the parents’ health and well-being suffers for it,” says Khanna. Some parents may even skip meals or prescription medications to save up enough money to buy their child a special present. But the stress of poverty can affect children as well, explains family counsellor and parenting expert Alyson Schafer. “Interestingly, most kids who are living in poverty are not very selfish and they don’t want a gazillion things,” says Schafer. “They know mama's gone without, they know papa's working hard or is stressing.” Because of this, she explains, children in poverty are more likely to be too embarrassed to reveal what they secretly wish for and will often feel guilty for even wanting something that would take away from their family’s limited resources. Still, witnessing wealthier classmates or neighbours receiving more can take its toll on kids at this time of year, whether children are aware of their family’s situation or not.
How to talk to kids about poverty
When it comes to having the tough conversations with kids about poverty and explaining why their peers may have received more or less than they did, Schafer recommends parents always keep an open dialogue with kids and to always remain honest. “I never believe that you should lie to children,” says Schafer. “Even if it's to protect a child, a lie will ultimately backfire because at some point the lie will be revealed.” Instead, Schafer says to act as a sieve and to only allow a tiny bit of information to pass through when children are young and to explain more to them gradually as they grow older. For example, when children are still very young, keep things simple by explaining that mommy and daddy have a budget and that they’re able to spend a certain amount on their gift. When they're older, begin teaching them more about bills, expenses and the importance of giving back to those who are less fortunate.
Refocus the holiday conversation
Schafer says that it's on parents to the set the tone for how the family views their financial situation and the holiday season. “Kids really do look to their parents for their attitude,” she says. One way to set a more positive tone is by redefining what the holiday season means to you. It doesn’t need to be about gifts. “It's the Salvation Army ringing the bell, it's the highest charity donation time, it's when we put gifts for the homeless under the Christmas tree and it is all about the idea of community,” says Schafer. “We parents could reframe and emphasize other parts of the holiday season that remind us of the goodness of humanity.”
HOW YOU CAN HELP:
1. When it comes to Santa, keep it simple
It can be a little more understandable to a child (though not always easy to explain) why a friend has a nicer gift from Mom and Dad (they have more money), but it’s much harder to address why Santa would bring the latest and greatest toys to others, and not your little one—especially if they deserve to be on the nice list. Keep gifts from Santa simple, meaningful and inexpensive—and if you’re going to splurge, make that the gift from Mom and Dad. The last thing you want to do is reinforce the stigma that a less fortunate child is undeserving because of his or her circumstances.
2. Think long-term
“It’s really important for people to think beyond the holidays and look at ways to become sustainers of year-round initiatives,” says Khanna. Since poverty doesn’t begin and end during the holiday season, seek out local community food centres or worker support centres that are involved with advocating for better social programs in the long-term and see how you can help to end poverty for good. Darlene O’Leary, socio-economic policy analyst for the Citizens for Public Justice, says a good place to start is within your own community. “Get to know the people in your community who are struggling,” she says. “There are community centres, food centres, health centres, and faith communities that organize programs that support those in need and where you can build relationships.”
3. Donate, donate, donate
Numerous organizations across Canada are dedicated to helping those in poverty year-round and there are also many initiatives that are committed to helping families in poverty during the holidays by way of care packages, toy drives or food donations. Check out our story on organizations that support ending poverty as a good starting place. Initiatives like The Snowsuit Fund provide items like mittens, scarves and hats to those who can’t afford them during the cold winter months. The Neighbourhood Centre's Holiday Hamper Adopt-A-Family program lets you choose from a list of families and their holiday wish list for you to purchase Christmas gifts, food and other necessities for their hamper. There’s no shortage of ways to lend your support.
4. Get the kids involved
It’s never too early to get your kids involved with giving back to those in need. Schafer recommends starting by giving your toddler a canned good to put in a food bank donation box as a small way to introduce the concept of charity to children. As they grow older, have your child help pick out which charity to support as a family or encourage them to go through their closet and pick out gently-worn clothes to donate.
5. Keep care packages handy
One way that Schafer and her family like to help during the holidays is by keeping a stash of care packages in her car for whenever a homeless person may need it. “I keep little brown paper bags that have kleenex and Tim Horton’s cards and socks in my car, and if we're at a stoplight when somebody's panhandling, I'll just ask my kids to hand me a bag to give to them,” says Schafer.
6. Offer your time and services
"Caring does not necessarily need to be a gift,” says Schafer. If you’re not in a position to help others financially, you can still get involved by giving back to the community through kind gestures. Shoveling snow for an elderly neighbour, volunteering time to look after the child of a constantly-working single-parent and even just saying “hello, how are you?” to somebody are all gestures that can be done to help or put a smile on someone’s face during a difficult holiday season.
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