1. Take your partner's breath away.
Do something amazingly thoughtful and out of the ordinary. These events solidify you in the person's limbic brain.
Taking someone's breath away involves surprise, in a wonderful way, even if it is a small gesture of love You can also teach your partner how you want to be surprised. If you like chocolate, tell him to hide some around the house in creative places so that you can find them throughout the day and think of him. If you like flowers, tell him or her to send them on occasion. Another wonderful little surprise is to leave notes in pockets so that he or she can find them throughout the day. Another idea is to pick up your partner from work for a surprise gourmet lunch in a beautiful park. Find out what makes your partner tick and then find a way to tie it into your little plot to bring more joy and pleasure into his or her world.
2. Do something special on a regular basis.
One of the best ways to make yourself unforgettable is to do things for your partner on a regular basis. Make his or her nervous system expect your call, want to hear your voice, miss your touch or the look into your eyes. Giving someone greeting cards, paper cards, or e-cards on a regular basis is a wonderful way to stay connected. Being your partner's first call in the morning and last call at night helps to solidify you in his or her neural networks. Many greeting card companies and florists have programs to remind you on a regular basis to send something special. It is the reinforcement of thoughtfulness that makes a difference.
3. Frequent, loving eye contact (some culture call it eye gazing) is an especially powerful connection tool for bonding.
Eye contact enhances intimacy. No eye contact decreases bonding and connectedness. New York psychologist Professor Arthur Arun has been studying the dynamics of what happens when people fall in love. He has shown that the simple act of staring into each other's eyes has a powerful impact. He asked to strangers to reveal intimate details about their lives to each other. They did this for an hour and a half. The two strangers were then made to stare into each other's eyes without talking for four minutes. Afterward, many of his couple confessed to feeling deeply attracted to their opposite number, and two of his subjects even married later.
4. Learn what pleases your partner sexually.
Their pleasure should be your pleasure, if you want to make your love life unforgettable. Gain skill in the things that make him or her happy, in what turns him or her on, in what brings joy. Making this a priority will give you many, many dividends.
5. Teach your partner what you like.
Most people get joy by pleasing others. Be an expert communicator by sharing your wants and desires. The brain loves the sounds of excitement. Make sure when your partner is pleasing you that you let him or her know.
6. Sexual novelty can boost lasting love.
Some people like routine. It makes them feel safe and comfortable. Others need variation and new challenges. Look for ways to bring novelty into your intimate relationships.
Do things differently, from the way you kiss your partner, to the way you show love, to the activities you do together.
7. Do something a little edgy.
Along the same lines as novelty, getting your partner's heart rate up may make her more interested in you. She might interpret the rush as a feeling of excitement for you. One experiment showed that if people experience fear on a date, they often misinterpret that feeling as love. So dates at a theme park might be more successful than a science lecture (unless it is on the neuroscience of sex). A bungee jump might even seal your relationship for life. If you do this with an anxious partner, however, he or she may leave you behind forever to avoid the fear. It is important to individualize these suggestions to your partner. For example, being a passenger with someone who drives fast may be exciting for partners who need excitement and speed, but it may be a disaster for someone who is naturally more cautious.
8. Use every sense.
Utilize all of your partner's senses to make yourself unforgettable. Our five senses are the vehicles that bring the outside world in. They are what sees, hears, tastes, smells and feels so that we can know another person. A large portion of the brain is dedicated to your senses. It has been estimated, for example, that 50 per cent of the brain is dedicated to vision. Use these senses to embed yourself deeply into the sensory circuits of your partner's brain.
9. Do something great for someone your partner loves.
When we take care of important people in our partner's life, we take care of him or her. This is one of the most powerful bonding techniques I know. When you care for your partner's children, parents, friends, employees, or even pets, the partner's limbic brain is grateful and you become more deeply embedded in his or her consciousness.
10. Summarize and immortalize loving moments.
When you have great moments with your lover, write them down and send your missive to him or her. When you experience a great moment, that by itself helps to embed it into memory; when you then take the time to write it down, it helps to further engrain it into the memory tracks of the emotional brain.
There's nothing quite like snuggling up on the couch with your partner to watch a great flick.
Excerpted from Sex on the Brain: 12 Lessons to Enhance Your Love Life, copyright 2007 by Daniel G. Amen, M.D. Excerpted with permission from Harmony, a division of Random House of Canada. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced except with permission in writing from the publisher.