Creating intimacy

Creating intimacy

Author: Canadian Living


Creating intimacy

Creating emotional intimacy is the cornerstone of building a loving relationship. But too many of us avoid taking the risk.

Nicholas Boothman, author of How to Make Someone Love You Forever! in 90 Seconds or Less, joined Dr. Marla Shapiro to talk to us about how to create the right romantic setting for emotional intimacy.

"I think sitting down for dinner is possibly one of the worst places to go for a date," Boothman said. "I think you should go out and do something because later on in life you're going to look back and the moment of your first date is going to get bigger and bigger and bigger -- and more important and more romantic."

Boothman has four rules for a date:

• Somewhere safe
• Someplace interesting
• Somewhere he or she will enjoy
• Someplace quiet -- because the date is about talking

A restaurant involves opening and closing your mouth and being separated by a table, he said, and as such, should wait until the second or third date. You want an activity where you're free to talk, flirt and read the other person's body language. (Read Boothman's 3 types of flirting).

"A date is all about talking and getting to know each other and there's a specific program of talk you go through," Boothman explained. "You start with small talk, then move to play talk very quickly, then you go through low, medium and high risk self-disclosure.

He noted that the thing about self-disclosure is that it has to be mutual. Once you've told your date something, you want him to tell you something back at about the same level. So, we move between low and medium disclosure, back and forth, he said. Boothman advises staying away from high risk disclosure on the first date.

Disclosure is about gaining trust and learning things about each other that's private and personal. It's also a means of finding 'Me too' moments that help you bond with each other by finding common ground.

One of the other important parts of creating intimacy is incidental touching, Boothman said, which brings you to a new level of closeness. Little touches can lead to longer touches or hand-holding, if the touches become reciprocal.

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Creating intimacy