Have you ever felt hurt, angry or betrayed? Then someone tries to give you advice by saying, "Let it go. Forget it. Stop complaining." This is infuriating because you feel justified in holding a grudge or you don't know how to "let it go."
Things that forgiveness does not mean: • Forgetting. The rule of thumb is to forgive but not forget. You want to remember so as to learn from the situation and make appropriate choices in your future.
• Being a martyr. You can forgive someone for being a human being and doing what humans sometimes do – mean, nasty, atrocious things. But you can also take action by being assertive, never allowing it to occur again.
• Blind trusting. You can learn from the past and decide whether or not you will choose to trust that individual again.
• Reconciling. You may wish to have nothing to do with that person ever again. This is your life... your choice!
• Maintaining the status quo. You may wish to alter agreements based on the transgression. You now decide what is good for you.
Four blocks to forgiving 1. Believing others must apologize. You can choose to forgive even when others do not apologize or make amends. Forgiveness is for your sake, not theirs.
2. Believing you are letting them off the hook. You can take action and fight for your rights, requesting compensation or restitution, and still forgive.
3. Believing that forgiving shows what was done was acceptable to you. You can forgive, be at peace and still forcefully object to offensive treatment.
4. Believing that forgiving shows that the transgression was unimportant. Taking assertive action shows that you care and are willing to do something about it. You do not have to hold a grudge as this only hurts you.
Forgiveness is self-empowerment Forgiveness is a conscious choice you can make. You choose to forgive. Remember: "To err is human, to forgive divine." It is a mature, moral philosophy.
To forgive with conscious awareness strengthens and empowers you to take action out of love for yourself and those you care about. Be assertive. Take action from a place of love, tolerance and compassion... but take action!
Forgiveness, for most of us, takes practice. It can be difficult but it is possible with practice. The more assertive you become (not hurt, angry or hostile) the easier it is to be forgiving.
Focus on the goal of having a happy life. When someone hurts you, ask yourself whether you would rather be happy or right? Choose happiness.
Psychotherapist Daniel Rutley is author of Escaping Emotional Entrapment, available in bookstores and at www.DanielRutley.com. Page 1 of 1
The kitchen probably has the most traffic in your home, which means it can also be the messiest. Keep your counters and cabinets clutter-free with these clever storage ideas.
1. Looking good
Display your pretty serving pieces on open shelves and use decorative baskets to house the less attractive and infrequently used kitchen necessities (think small appliances and tools).
2. Mix it up
Varied storage keeps items of different sizes in their place: deep drawers for medium-to-large appliances, stacked shelving for wine bottles and shallow drawers for spices.
3. Within reach
Keep the items you need most, such as cereal and snacks, between waist and eye level, and move the rest of the goods up high or down low.
4. All access
A pull-out pantry allows you to see inventory at a glance and helps keep supplies organized so that nothing gets pushed to the back and out of view.
5. Now you see it
Cabinets that are tucked behind a sliding door will provide a functional space-saving solution to a typical pantry. This storage system can be built along an unused wall in a kitchen. Use it to conceal mismatched boxes, jars and canned goods.
The biggest advantage in a kitchen is accessibility, yet the most common blind spots I see are cabinet shelves that are too high and wasted space between shelves. Whether you've just moved in or you've settled into a kitchen, it's worth the time to adjust shelving to fit the contents and to lower shelves so you can reach what you need. After adjusting the height, you can often add an extra shelf to accommodate wide narrow items, like trays.
Save yourself from parched, dry skin during the snowy season by amping up your hand cream game.
Deep in the throes of winter, jostling back and forth between dry, low-humidity air—both indoors and outdoors—can leave your skin robbed of moisture. Our hands are the first ones to take a hit as the cool air and upping our hand-washing strips skin of its natural protective oils. In order to defeat rough and cracked palms, we’re calling in uber-hydrating hand creams. There's something for all of your specific skin-care concerns.
Steal from the boys
Designed for those who spend a lot of time outdoors in rugged temperatures (hello, pretty much every Canadian winter activity ever), this rich formula makes dry, calloused hands ancient history. Though it’s marketed to men, we think the whole family will benefit from a dose of this hand cream.
Although it might not seem like it, the sun’s rays penetrate through grey skies year-round, making sun protection an absolute necessity in the winter. Your hands are often the first part of your body to show signs of aging, so put on some hand cream with SPF before leaving the house to avoid dark spots or wrinkles.
Supergoop! Forever young hand cream with broad spectrum SPF 40, $16.50, nordstrom.com.
Worried about what you’re putting on your skin? The Honest Company’s hand cream thoughtfully uses pure ingredients like organic sunflower oil and chamomile to soothe and repair skin, making sure to exclude petroleum, mineral oil, parabens, fragrances, dyes and most common allergens.
The Honest Company Organic healing balm, $15, well.ca.
Give your over-worked mitts some true TLC with this all-encompassing hand treatment. It exfoliates and moisturizes in tandem, which gets rid of ageing skin cells and provides a clean canvas for macadamia nut oil and shea butter to truly work their magic.
Nothing is worse than attempting to use your smartphone with greasy hands after a fresh application of hand cream. #FirstWorldProblems. Enter this pick from The Body Shop that doesn’t make you choose between indulgent fair-trade Ghanan Shea butter and instant absorption.
Eczema affects 1 in 5 adults, but the market is lacking in skin-saving ointments that won’t aggravate itchy and inflamed skin. Good news: packed with 2% colloidal oatmeal (twice the level of other eczema products) this pick is dermatologist recommended to relieve flare-ups and severely parched eczema-prone skin.
Keep your manicure for up to a week longer by keeping this portable cuticle cream in your bag for quick touch-ups—or an application right before bed. The light citrusy scent of geranium, mandarin, lemongrass and ginger essential oils not only smells incredible but also keeps your cuticles primed and nourished.
If it’s good enough to be used by Norwegian fisherman, it’s good enough for us. This fail-safe classic can be picked up anywhere and provides tons of moisture—without irritating synthetic fragrances for those who are sensitive.
Neutrogena Norwegian formula hand cream, $8, well.ca.
The everyday standby
Say hello to velvety soft hands 24-hours a day. Coming in an array of colours and fragrances, EOS provides a fantastic every-day option that moisturizes dry hands with shea butter, aloe, oats and antioxidants. The cute packaging is just a bonus.
Things you're doing throughout the day could impact how you're sleeping at night. Here are four bad habits to kick for a better bedtime.
Nighttime exercise While daily physical activity is great, you'll sleep much better if you finish your workout at least three hours before your bedtime to allow the stimulating effects of exercise to dissipate. Late-night meals Nix late-night meals, which may interfere with your ability to sleep soundly, and give your body a rest from digestion. Try to finish supper at least three hours before you turn in for the night, and keep any bedtime snacks on the light side.
Alcohol consumption "Alcohol first induces sleep because it's a sedating compound," says Dr. Charles Samuels of Calgary's Centre for Sleep and Human Performance, "but then it disrupts sleep because the alcohol leaves the system very quickly." He adds that the depressant also suppresses REM, or dream, sleep, which the body needs to repair itself. If you have a drink with dinner, however, it will likely clear your system by bedtime, so it shouldn't affect your sleep cycle.
Screen time Staring at your computer, tablet or smartphone until lights-out can curtail your ability to doze off (interestingly, watching TV is fine, as long as it's not done in bed). The light from these devices suppresses the release of sleep-inducing melatonin from our brains, and the stimulation from games, emails and social media keeps our brains active. For best sleep, turn off devices three hours before bedtime and keep all screens out of the bedroom.
We asked some of Canada's top celebrity designers to spill the beans on their best-kept design secrets—and did they ever! Read on for expert advice on everything from space planning and choosing paint colours to styling shelves and how to create a foolproof gallery wall.
The inside scoop on space planning
How much space do you need around your dining room table? Can you really make a room feel larger? Our experts weigh in.
Tip 1: Sofas should be two-thirds the length of the longest wall, and seating is placed close enough around so no person is more than eight feet from another to allow for easy conversation. — Glen Peloso and Jamie Alexander
Photography by Arnal Photography
Tip 2: One easy rule to figure out what size dining table you need: allow for a minimum of 30 inches walking clearance on all sides. — Karl Lohnes
Tip 3: Space planning is critical. For a kitchen island, for example, leave three feet of space between the island and surrounding counters. Ensure that appliances (like the fridge or dishwasher) can open without blocking traffic flow or hitting neighbouring walls or cabinets. Not leaving enough room is a mistake people make all the time, before they call a designer in a panic to help fix it! — Lisa Canning
Photography by Arnal Photography
Tip 4: Use mirrors strategically to expand space and increase the amount of natural light reflected in the room. Framing a wall with floor-to-ceiling mirrors adds a dramatic effect to the feeling and scale of the room. — Brian Gluckstein
Photography by Arnal Photography
Tip 5: Allow for 18 inches between the sofa and the coffee table so people have enough room to pass by and to make it easy to reach for drinks or food. — Amanda Forrest
Tip 6: Want to make sure furniture fits before it arrives at your door? There are a host of free sites (like planyourroom.com) that allow you to put furniture onto a scaled floor plan. Another option? Many furniture and decor stores offer free design services, and they'll do the calculating for you. — Janette Ewen
Light it up
Follow these five rules and your lights will shine in all the right ways.
Tip 2: Install dimmer switches; they're a practical way to control light and energy consumption. — Amanda Forrest
Tip 3: The bottom of the shade of your bedside reading lamp should be at shoulder height when sitting in bed. Do the math! — Karl Lohnes
Tip 4: Choose a pendant or chandelier that's one-third the size of the table or kitchen island. Hang it approximately 30 to 36 inches above the table or island; if there are more than one, place them 12 to 18 inches apart. — Mia Parres
Tip 5: Incandescent bulbs are great for atmosphere lighting, but LED bulbs are more suited to task lighting, when you really need to see what you're working on. — Janette Ewen
The inside scoop on paint and palette
Did you know that paint selection should be one of the last decisions you make when decorating a room?
Tip 1: I'm a firm believer in mood boards. They're not just for designers! Gather together fabrics, paint samples and inspiration images for a room before starting. It will create a picture and a trajectory that you may not have thought of. — Steven Sabados
Tip 2: When you design a room, pull your palette from one inspiration fabric. Whether you use a whimsical print or a more traditional pattern, take all the colours present in that material and allow those to guide fabric selection for pillows, throws, drapery and upholstery in the room. Take that same fabric to the paint store and have a custom colour mixed that matches one of the hues exactly. — Lisa Canning
Tip 4: Fine finish Choose a fresh trim colour in a semigloss, such as Benjamin Moore's Chantilly Lace OC-65. It creates a subtle separation from a matte wall, and it's a much more durable finish, which comes in handy since trims are usually the most touched, bumped and scuffed parts of our homes. — Mia Parres
Tip 5: Colour pop If you buy that cool orange statement chair, give it a buddy. When you're adding a colourful piece to a space, always have at least one other subtle hit of that colour elsewhere in the room to create a cohesive feel. — Tiffany Pratt
Tip 6: Want to make a room feel taller? Paint baseboards and crown moulding the same colour as the walls. Want it to feel huge? mix one-third of the wall colour into the ceiling paint. — Karl Lohnes
The inside scoop on styling
You've bought the sofa and painted the walls. Now what? Our experts show you how to style a room like a pro.
Tip 1: Shop at stores that have liberal return policies and buy three times as much as you think you need. This gives you plenty of merchandise to play with to see what works and what does not. Mix in unique family heirlooms and vintage finds with the new pieces you purchase to create a naturally curated look. — Janette Ewen
Photography by Magdalena M
Tip 2: For a no-fail pillow combination, you need only three: one 20- by 20-inch, one 16- by 16-inch and one 12- by 16-inch. Those sizes look good together no matter how you arrange them! — Jo Alcorn
Tip 3: Beauty is in the details When styling a console, include framed art on easels or leaning against the wall; it's a great way to display smaller pieces. Create a dynamic vignette by mixing in boxes, vases and vintage pieces in differing heights and dimensions. — Brian Gluckenstein
Tip 4: Mix and match Use these common elements when styling shelves: stacks of books, gorgeous flowers and at least one accessory that has a lot of shimmer and shine. Varying heights and textures is also really important for visual interest. — Lisa Canning
The inside scoop on art
Take the mystery out of hanging art.
Tip 1: Make your own art! Buy a canvas in a size you're looking for, then grab some paint in the colours you're decorating with, and see what happens. Great masterpieces are born of happy accidents or beautiful mistakes. — Tiffany Pratt
Tip 2: When hanging art on an empty wall, the middle of the art should to be hung 66 to 72 inches off the floor. — Karl Lohnes
Tip 3: Art relates to furniture, not the ceiling: Keep art about six to eight inches above the sofa, or any piece of furniture, when hanging it. — Glen Peloso and Jamie Alexander
Tip 4: For a gallery wall, use different-size frames in one single finish and select artwork with a consistent theme in colour or subject matter to keep the display cohesive. — Brian Gluckenstein
Each year, top designers and brands showcase the best in innovative and inspiring design from around the world at The Interior Design Show in Toronto. We’ve picked our top Canadian designers that you may not have heard of yet, but should.