Beat the holiday blues

Nobody dreams of a blue Christmas, but the blues are exactly what some people get at this time of year. It's not easy helping people cheer up, but caring friends and family can do a lot to help a loved one who is depressed.

Dave*, a stay-at-home dad in Toronto, says his wife, Charlene*, becomes less of her normal lively self at this time of year. She becomes more subdued and doesn't react to many of the seasonal celebrations going on around her. She'll pick at her favourite foods, for example, or shrug indifferently when close friends she hasn't seen in a while are due to come over.

While Charlene, a medical doctor, doesn't suffer full-blown depression, she still needs support and sympathy from those around her, says Dave, a trained psychologist. Dave steps in when he sees her grow quiet and hears her frequent sighs, indicating her Christmas-season blahs. He talks to her to find out if there is something specific bothering her.

Unrequited holiday expectations
"For Charlene, it's more a case of expectations not being met," says Dave. Instead of presenting the perfect family on their best behaviour, the kids start acting up because they're excited, and everyone's on edge because Grandma's grumpy after a long trip. Then there's the expectation that people will like their gifts, and the big disappointment when it's clear they don't.

Dave reminds her that things never run perfectly and encourages her to accept what happens in context. If the vegetables are overcooked, it's not the end of the world; if the kids are excitable, that's normal; and if the gifts aren't exactly right, remember that Christmas is about the act of being generous rather than about specific material items.

Talk it out
Talking about the things that cause her stress and finding ways to reduce them helps. Support and sympathy are key in helping her cheer up, he says.
Pam*, a freelance writer in Toronto, sometimes gets hit with a more severe type of depression right about now -- perhaps as a reminder of an incident that happened several seasons ago. Meeting 40 or so relatives of her new husband on Christmas Day five years ago was too much for Pam, who was used to small, quiet gatherings with a family that is more of formal British stock. Her husband's family is Italian, and getting used to a group that, to her, was much more excitable added to her stress. Without telling anyone, she quietly grabbed her coat, left the house and went for a long walk.

"I didn't know where she was, but I covered for her," says her husband, Paolo*, a chef. Pam has a history of depression, and while it's usually under control, once in a while it surfaces. But having a supportive, understanding spouse makes a huge difference in helping her recover from bouts, which can last for weeks at a time. Sometimes Christmas is great; other years it's a tough haul, and the couple never knows ahead of time which it's going to be.

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