Happy new you! How to love yourself this year

We all have a little voice in our head that talks to us continuously. This voice interprets, judges, comments on and gives meaning to the external world and the events we encounter. Start this new year by taking control of that voice. Change the way you think and you can actually change the way you feel. You can't always choose what happens, but you can always choose how to look at what happens. Here are 10 ways to reprogram that voice so it becomes a friend instead of an adversary.

1. "I can't believe I called the client Mark instead of Mike at the meeting this morning."
How many times has your internal voice told you that you're a jerk? Would you let anyone else talk to you that way? Think about it: nobody seemed to notice or care about your minor slipup at the meeting, so why did you beat up on yourself for it all afternoon?

Start paying more attention to that inner voice and monitor how often it makes judgmental comments. Then start being nicer to yourself: substitute all those put-downs with kinder messages. How about: "My presentation this morning couldn't have gone more smoothly. I only made one minor flub in getting Mike's name wrong, but he seemed more interested in the information I was discussing than on the name mix-up."

2. "I had my heart set on getting that job. Now I have to start my job search all over again."
OK, not getting that job was a setback, but you can get something positive out of it. Focus on the upside. How about: "I was their second choice. Obviously I've got a lot going for me. That interview process was great practice; it really built up my confidence. Also, I've taken it easy these last few weeks and really needed that break. Now I can go back to the job search with renewed energy. I'm going to be OK."

3. "Oh, great, another traffic jam. I hate this drive -- why do we live in the suburbs anyway?"
Does this whining and complaining sound like you? Are you really going to be late for something important? Probably not, and even so, is it going to help anyone by getting upset? Is there any advantage at all in looking at the negatives?

You can turn things around. Try making the situation a little more neutral with something like: "OK, commuting isn't my favourite activity, but it goes with the territory. This is my trade-off for living in a safe, quiet neighbourhood that's ideal for raising a family. It's not the end of the world not to arrive on time. This traffic is out of my control. I'll get there when I get there."

4. "I had 10 things on my to-do list and only accomplished two of them. What a wasted day."
Take another look at the situation. Talk to yourself differently. Review all the things you did get done in a day instead of focusing on all the things you couldn't finish. Then you can say to yourself: "That was a really productive day. I got a lot accomplished." That way, every day will feel more satisfying.