Resolutions get real

Rather than doom yourself to defeat with promises that even a saint couldn't keep, set yourself up for success with real-life resolutions for your real life.

What is it this year? Lose 30 pounds? Become a triathlete? Swear off cheesecake for life? And, of course, it's all going to happen at the stroke of midnight on Dec. 31, right?

Dream on.

There's something about the new year that prompts people to fantasize about healthier living. There's nothing wrong with vowing to eat only low-fat foods or to quit smoking, but adopting a long-term, wholesome lifestyle takes a lot of hard work and willpower. The problem is, most people don't get very far with their resolutions and are back to their old habits by spring. Turns out that what seemed so easy to do on New Year's Eve can be an elusive dream.

Dr. Irvin Wolkoff, a psychiatrist in Toronto, knows a thing or two about helping people make personal changes that stick. He calls this phenomenon "magical thinking." People believe that making a change will be easier simply because they willed it to happen as the clock struck midnight on New Year's Eve.

Wolkoff has a point. If you couldn't spontaneously become a strict vegetarian on April 28, what makes you think you can do it on Jan. 1?

That said, there's still hope of making your fantasy a reality. Here's how to ditch the guilt -- and the weighty resolutions -- and make this year's goals a reality.

Make the resolution concrete and manageable

Swearing to get in shape isn't just a huge ambition: it's a vague one. Broad, sweeping statements like that are an invitation to failure. Instead of resolving to accomplish a vague goal, such as getting in shape, promise to take the necessary and specific steps to get there. That way, you'll find that staying on track is much easier. So if getting in shape for you means taking a brisk walk midday, then resolve to walk for 20 minutes during lunch. If you're a pack rat from way back, do not resolve to become a Martha Stewart clone overnight. Instead, pick one room and decide to keep it tidy. If you succeed, you can expand your organizational mission to other rooms.

Tracy Saliani, a 24-year-old mother of two, has tried to quit smoking at least half a dozen times, always unsuccessfully. So what was the problem? She always attacked it as an all-or-nothing mission, even when it was obvious that she couldn't quit in one shot. "I'm not a cold-turkey person," she says.

Now Tracy and her husband, Glenn, also a smoker, have come up with a set of concrete and manageable goals designed to eventually get them off nicotine completely. "We're going to start smoking outside. We're going to make the house smoke-free," she says. From there, quitting will be much easier.

Start small

Change is difficult; so it follows that major change is, well, majorly difficult. Trying to do it all at once will probably leave you frustrated at the lack of instant results. Instead, break it up into smaller, more achievable goals. Once you've reached your first goal, you'll find yourself motivated by your results, and that will propel you onward toward further success.

Sheila Shergold is a recent convert to this approach. She spent years making the same resolution: to take off all her extra weight. Her succession of fad diets became almost legendary, and, while she did lose some weight, she ultimately gained it all back. Sheila laughs at the memory of her cabbage-soup days: "It's food that's not realistic to buy for the rest of your life. I would lose 20 pounds -- but then I gained them and several of their cousins back." She always felt like a failure because she never met her weight-loss goals.

Wolkoff has heard stories like Sheila's time and again. "When people make resolutions and can't keep them, they give up," he says. "But they shouldn't: major change can't be effected in one fell swoop. The components should be manageable."

Sheila has switched to Weight Watchers, where newcomers are encouraged to focus on a 10 per cent weight loss before making any long-term weight-loss plans. She has taken control of her eating habits in a realistic way. She's pleased with her results. "I know it's going to take time, but I didn't put it all on in a month, did I?" she says.