Excerpted from Misinformed Consent: Women's Stories about Unnecessary Hysterectomy by Lise Cloutier-Steele (Next Decade, Inc., 2003). For more information about the author and her books, visit her website at misinformedconsent.com.
As I contemplate my much larger face in the mirror, I wonder if there will ever be a time when I can be more accepting of the new me. I know the change in my weight is directly linked to the hysterectomy I had in October 1991 and to the estrogen replacement therapy I have been on ever since. The extra weight will likely never come off, and yet I continue with diet programs, hoping that all the plump areas will one day disappear.
Don't ask me where my head was when I agreed to surgical removal of my reproductive organs, I just don't know. At the age of thirty-eight, I am embarrassed to say, I was clueless about the role my reproductive organs played beyond their childbearing capability. When I compare the symptoms I had before surgery to the complications that surfaced after my hysterectomy, I realize that I am no further ahead. In fact, my quality of life has taken a nosedive.
It wasn't until January 1998, when I saw a television program on sexual desire, that I made the connection between my extinguished libido and my hysterectomy. The overload of information from that program was mind-boggling. Many of the young women interviewed on the show discussed their loss of sexual desire and the effect of this loss on their relationships. I felt numb when one guest spoke about her depression and her loss of sexual drive and sensation following her hysterectomy, and how she had not felt like a whole woman since.
She was talking about me.
I felt relieved, sad, and angry all at once. It wasn't the first time I had experienced a mixed bag of emotions; I ride an emotional roller coaster almost every day. But this time the feelings were much more intense, and they made me realize that I had a lot of work to do. Little did I know that my research into the effects of hysterectomy would lead me to so many other women just like me, and eventually to this book.
