Relationships

How to tell the difference between Mr. Right and Mr. Right Now

By: Vanessa Burka

©iStockphoto.com/Aldo Murillo Author: Canadian Living Credits: ©iStockphoto.com/Aldo Murillo

Relationships

How to tell the difference between Mr. Right and Mr. Right Now

By: Vanessa Burka

All women have a type of man they are typically attracted to. Whether he is tall, dark and handsome or athletic, strong and funny, you consider him your Mr. Right. But what if your Mr. Right is really your Mr. Right Now and not necessarily the man who will give you your happily ever after?

Knowing the category in which to place your partner is key. Below are some guidelines to follow when determining into which group your guy falls.

Fatal attraction
Your physical connection with someone should not be the first item on your Mr. Right checklist. According to Kimberly Moffit, a Toronto-based psychotherapist and counsellor, women will often notice that with a Mr. Right Now the physical attraction outweighs the long-term emotional bond.

"When you get together, one of the primary activities you engage in is physical. If this is the case, you may not be connecting on a deeper level," says Moffit.

If your partner learned the thread count of your sheets before your middle name, you might want to reconsider his chance of becoming long-term relationship material.

Cat got his tongue
As women, it is in our DNA to consider and question the next steps in a relationship. While Mr. Right will happily discuss the future, Mr. Right Now dodges the topic at all costs.

"There is usually no talk of future plans," says Moffit. "He usually puts the emphasis back on the now."

If phrases such as "I am really enjoying spending time with you right now" or "Let’s just enjoy what we have," are used by your significant other, it may be time to consider whether he visualizes you in his future.

"If he avoids a verbal commitment, he is not worth pursuing," explains Moffit.

Page 1 of 3 -- From constant flattery to sudden excuses of memory loss, discover more ways to separate Mr. Right from Mr. Right Now on page 2


Fails to remember
How well your significant other listens and retains information may determine his long-term commitment.

"If someone is not thinking about you in the future, they do not put key details in their back pocket," says Moffit. "A Mr. Right cares about why you are the way you are and has invested time into getting to know the key players in your life."

On the other hand, a Mr. Right Now fails to recall details about you, your family and the things that matter to you, as he is only focused on the present.

Backup Plan
Is he looking to fill his evening plans or does he have a thoughtful rendez-vous in mind? 

"Mr. Right Now may engage in spur of the moment dates instead of planning ahead for something special," says Moffit. Be cautious of not falling into the role of a Mr. Right Now’s wing woman or last-minute date.

While the date he plans may be typical run of the mill, Mr. Right prepares an outing based on your interests. In this case, actions speak louder than words.

Flattery gets you everywhere

While any compliment can be considered flattering, it is essential that you pay special attention to your significant other’s choice of words. While Mr. Right Now’s comments may revolve around your attractiveness, Moffit says that he may not be in the market for a long-term partner.

Although "hot" and "sexy" make his list of compliments, he may fail to notice how caring, intelligent or lovable you are – qualities that rank high for a Mr. Right.

Erratic lifestyle
Where there is stability in his life, you are more likely to see stability in his relationships. Dr. Jenn Berman, host of VH1’s "Couples Therapy" and "The Love and Sex Show with Dr. Jenn" on Sirius XM, believes that women tend to overlook a man’s ability to be consistent over time.

It is important for a partner to demonstrate that he has worked at being stable in all realms of his life, such as being in a long-term job, having a pet or maintaining solid relationships with his friends and family members.

Page 2 of 3 -- Discover the importance of mutual core values on page 3
A Mr. Right Now may jump from job to job, have difficulty keeping in touch with others and rack up a lengthy list of ex-girlfriends. Financial irresponsibility can also be a red flag. Whether he is a gambler or blows his paycheques on the latest tech gadgets, it is essential that you take notice of his spending habits.

Core values
When feelings begin to intensify in a relationship, it is important that you consider whether your partner’s core beliefs are parallel to yours.

"Views should align on children, family and other key values," says Moffit.

Often what makes for conflict in a relationship is when people have competing principles. From your sex life to maintaining your household to future plans, it is imperative that you and your Mr. Right share the same core values and beliefs when it comes to commitment.

Personal agenda

According to Moffit, you are either ready for a long-term relationship or you are not. She advises steering clear from recently single or recently divorced men, as well as those who are looking to heal past demons, as these factors increase the likelihood of your relationship becoming a short-lived romance.

"If stability and long-term talk is not there, then he is probably a Mr. Right Now," Moffit says. A man with long-term material has overcome past issues and stabilized his wandering eye, and is ready to put his focus on you.

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How to tell the difference between Mr. Right and Mr. Right Now

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