A quickie can be good, but it isn't likely to be memorable. If you want to have a memorable experience of love play, plan a love feast. What exactly is a love feast? It's whatever you want it to be. Here are some items on the menu of a love feast from which you can choose (you can add whatever you want to the menu).
• Laughter (go to or rent a funny movie, go to a comedy show, read a book of cartoons together, or find other ways to laugh together)
• Indulgence (pamper yourselves with a long slow bath or shower together)
• Palate pleasure (have a leisurely meal that features your favorite foods)
• Sensual stimulation (light candles; spray your favorite scent; turn on some romantic music; give each other a massage; engage in a lot of touching; spend more time than usual in various kinds of foreplay)
• Sexual adventure (try a new position or a new way to stimulate or please each other — if you need help or ideas, a bookstore will provide ample resources)
• Pillow talk (whisper sweet nothings; talk about your love feast and how it makes you feel about each other)
• Caressing (afterplay is as important as foreplay: caress, embrace, and kiss as a way to affirm that your affection is more than preparation for sex; if you're ready for a second helping of the main course, go for it)
Clearly, the point of a love feast is to immerse yourselves in each other for a period of time. To make it truly a feast, you must not allow yourselves to be distracted by other concerns, whether work, children, in-laws, the budget, or anything else that is bothersome to you. Give yourselves wholly to each other and to shared pleasure. In short, relax and have fun as though you were on your honeymoon.
Planning your love feast
Clearly, to do it right, a love feast requires a block of time. If possible, we recommend that you send the kids to Grandma's for the night or that you plan a weekend away. Psychiatrist William Betcher tells of a couple married twenty-one years who regularly take a week's vacation without their children. The wife told him that the week is "always magical and always involves a lot of play, especially sexually." They choose a place where they can relax rather than sightsee. They frequently pretend they're a newly married couple or a man and a woman having an illicit affair. They do everything at a slow pace and resist any attempts by other people to get involved with them. They focus totally on each other for the entire week.
When you plan your love feast, therefore, do it in a way that allows you to give yourselves wholly to each other. This means:
• Take as much time as you can, but not so much that you feel you are neglecting other matters.
• Go away from home, where it's easier to avoid distractions and responsibilities. But if you can't afford to go away, plan a love feast at home; to paraphrase the poet, it's better to have a love feast at home than never to have a love feast at all.
• Remember, carefree is the watchword for your love feast. So if you go away, don't choose a hard-to-get-to place that will take too much travel time, or a too-expensive place where you will be concerned about the cost.
• Plan in advance to make your love feast a carefree time. Your planning may include arranging for child care, finding the right place to stay, or buying erotic literature to provide inspiration.
You'll discover that planning your feast is fun and the anticipation is exhilarating. Best yet, the afterglow will remain with you for a lifetime. Here is a husband's assessment of his experience:
"When we first started talking about going away — just the two of us — I got really excited. Sandy and I had never done anything like that before. And when we finally took off, it was like we were on our honeymoon again. For five blissful days, we left our problems and responsibilities at home and concentrated on the two of us. It was an experience I'll never forget and I highly recommend it to other couples."
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Excerpted from The Play Solution: How to Put the Fun and Excitement Back Into Your Relationship by Jeanette & Robert Lauer.