Don't worry. You don't need to do it on the first date, or even the tenth. What you each do with your money won't become a big issue until it's clear that you are committed to a future together. But as soon as you're in a serious relationship and are talking about sharing your future, it's time to talk about money, too.
So, how do you bring it up?
There are several ways to broach the topic. Maybe you've got something you're saving for together, whether it's your wedding or just a romantic vacation. As you make your plans, you can use it as an opportunity to talk about some of your other goals and even create a spending plan together. If you have some money saved up, you could suggest that you move that into a joint high-interest savings account and that you both put a set amount into the account each month so that you'll have the money for something you both want—or just to keep as an emergency fund for unexpected expenses.
Or, if you're talking about moving in together, expand the conversation about how to split bills and expenses to include talking about setting money aside for your future goals too. That is a great way to start figuring out how you can work together to manage your money and achieve your goals.
Or try the reverse. Ask him if you can spend some time tonight or this weekend talking about your plans for the future. Trying to figure out how you can reach those goals together is a natural way to ease into a more detailed discussion on money. And it will help keep you focused on building a future together, rather than dwelling on any differences you may have in your finances now.
You might feel comfortable just talking generally about your hopes and dreams, and any financial concerns you have. Then you can get into the nitty- gritty details of your finances in the follow- up discussions.
As you prepare for that first conversation, keep these tips in mind:
• Choose a comfortable setting. If you live together, think of the place where you both feel most relaxed outside of the bedroom. (We don't want you falling asleep!) Maybe you enjoy cozying up on the living room couch or sitting together at the kitchen table. If you're the one who is initiating the discussion and you don't live together, suggest having it at his apartment— assuming he doesn’t have any roommates or that they'll be out— so that he feels at ease in his surroundings.
Page 1 of 2 - find more money talk tips on page 2.
Page 1 of 2 - find more money talk tips on page 2.
Excerpted from The Smart Cookies' Guide to Couples and Money by The Smart Cookies with Jennifer Barrett. Copyright 2010 by The Smart Cookies with Jennifer Barrett. Excerpted by permission of Random House of Canada. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
