But sometimes as time marches on, you treasured friendships fizzle for one reason or another. Maybe there was a disagreement, or time and distance simply got in the way. We asked Linda Chapman, a Toronto-based psychotherapist, for advice on how to get a fractured friendship back on track.
"It is possible to rekindle an old friendship – a shared history, after all, is a powerful thing. It's just a matter of reconnecting in the right way," she says.
1. What caused the falling out?
The first step to rekindling an old friendship, says Chapman, is acknowledging the reason for the rift. Were hurtful words exchanged? Was it simply that you moved to a different time zone and it was difficult to stay in touch? "One needs to consider why the friendship has gone stale," says Chapman. Once you have identified the problem, you'll be able to work on removing the roadblock. The sooner you get to this understanding, the better.
2. Reaching out
If it has been a while since you last talked to your friend, take baby steps to rekindle the friendship. Ask your friend for a coffee date. (If she lives far away, email her and ask to meet up via Skype). A coffee date is casual, relaxed and not threatening. If the divide between you is serious and you have to clear the air eventually, a coffee date can start the dialogue in a non-hostile way. "At this stage, you're just testing the waters," says Chapman.
3. Pushing through the conflict
If after initial contact you decide you want to move forward, devise a game plan to resolve conflict with your friend. "If there has been conflict, the best thing you can do in this situation is discuss it," says Chapman. "Try to do so without pointing fingers; be rational and acknowledge your role in the rift."
And don't ignore the issue at hand just to avoid uncomfortable conversation. By talking about it, you guarantee the issue gets put to bed. "All relationships have smooth and rough patches," Chapman says.
Page 1 of 2 -- Learn how to commit time to your rekindled friendship with expert advice on page 2
