We consulted Natalie Dickinson, an Ottawa-based couples therapist and registered social worker, for some help. "Comparing one's relationship to another's is not only normal, but can be healthy and helpful. The downside is that it leaves room for jealousy," she says. "While feelings of jealousy are normal, it often doesn't bring out the best in us. How you cope with those feelings, therefore, is key."
It's easy to say, "I should just stop comparing my relationship to theirs," but following through can be difficult. Luckily, it's not impossible. Try applying these tips to common social situations in order to silence your inner critic.
1. Acknowledge the feeling
Do you become touchy, verging on miserable, when you witness friends' happy relationships? Your colleague is flashing a five-carat princess-cut Tiffany sparkler when you return from Christmas holidays; a close friend announces her much-anticipated pregnancy; your sibling buys a charming turn-of-the-century brownstone with his new girlfriend -- do these events spark a twinge of jealousy?
Although these are your friends and family members, instead of being happy, your first reaction is anger and deep resentment that none of these milestones is happening to you. "The first step to changing any behaviour is to recognize when it occurs," says Dickinson. "In the hustle and bustle of our everyday lives, our thoughts, feelings and reactions often occur in the blink of an eye. Making an effort to slow down and recognize when an unwanted behaviour occurs is critical."
2. Don't bend the truth about your relationship to one-up friends or relatives
"Sometimes unwanted behaviours can be persistent, and tough to change on our own," says Dickinson. "It helps to know what feelings and thoughts triggered the behaviour. Beginning to untangle some of the thoughts and feelings that influence our behaviours is necessary if we want to make lasting changes."
Page 1 of 2 -- Discover how to avoid feeling jealous of other people's relationships with more expert advice on page 2
