They may seem harmless at the time, but some words can end up leaving a bitter taste.

Good communication is the foundation of healthy relationships. Yet, even with the best intentions, we all sometimes utter phrases we regret. Not necessarily insulting or harsh, but laden with innuendo or undigested resentment. This is called being passive-aggressive.

What does being passive-aggressive mean?

It's the indirect expression of negative emotions—such as anger, frustration, or bitterness. Instead of clearly stating what's bothering someone, they speak obliquely, using sarcasm or resignation, and employ seemingly neutral phrases that hide a much more pointed message. These turns of phrase can create confusion, hurt others, or fuel conflict.

Often used by conflict-avoidant people, passive-aggressive communication can be detrimental to relationships. These are the common phrases we use that may be damaging your romantic, friendly, or family ties.
 

1. "Good for you"

It's all in the tone. This phrase may sound kind, but it can also contain a hint of envy, jealousy, or resentment. If it's spoken half-heartedly or with a tight smile, it can convey a sense of injustice or a hard-to-digest comparison. It's not always as "better" as people make it out to be.

2. "I'm sorry you feel that way."

Underneath its air of apology, this phrase serves to deflect responsibility. What we hear implicitly is: "I don't think I did anything wrong, but if you feel bad about it, that's your problem." It's a subtle way of invalidating the other person's feelings without truly acknowledging their share of responsibility.

3. "It's good"

Translation: This is not good at all. Saying "it's fine" in the middle of a discussion, when you're clearly upset, can be a way of cutting things off without addressing the root of the problem. We may be waiting for the other person to guess how we feel, or to come back to the point. It's a test phrase, often frustrating for the person on the other side.

4. "It doesn't matter"

This phrase can convey a sense of weariness or abandonment. It sounds like, "Don't you want to listen to me? Then let it go." Rather than expressing how you truly feel, you shut down.

5. "If you say so"

A falsely neutral phrase, but in reality, very condescending. It may suggest that the other person's opinion is not credible or worth considering. It ends the conversation with a hint of contempt, without direct confrontation. In other words: "I'm listening, but I don't believe you."

6. "You are too sensitive."

There's nothing like dismissing another person's emotions. This phrase minimizes the pain felt and implies that the problem lies solely with the other person. Rather than opening dialogue, it creates a divide and prevents mutual understanding.

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